I have written a lot of songs in my career, but never has the writing process of a song ministered to me personally as much as "Calvary Answers For Me." I had often told friends that 2001 was the "roughest year of my life." Some personal defeats and family issues had left me exhausted both emotionally and spiritually and I couldn't wait for the New Year to begin so I could get on with my life.
Then, in February of 2002, when I sat in my doctor's office and he informed me of my cancer and the need for immediate treatment, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Having lost two grandparents to cancer and going through treatments and surgeries with both parents, I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew then that it would be another hard year.
The real battle for me, however, was spiritual not physical. I couldn't shake the feeling that this cancer was something I deserved. Day after day I lay in my bed too sick and too weak to do anything more than make the trek to the hospital for treatments. That's when the memories of every bad thing I've ever done came back to haunt me. Satan literally brought to my mind every sin and every failure I've experienced in my life.
Even though I knew in my heart that God had already forgiven me for my past and had already forgotten it, I guess I couldn't. In my mind, I re-lived things that I had not thought about in years.
My Mother is a very Godly woman who has built her life on the power of prayer. She came from Oklahoma to stay with me during the worst part of my sickness. Her prayers and the prayers of so many others are what sustained me during this time. If there was time, I could tell you story after story about how someone's specific prayers for me were answered in incredibly obvious ways. Still, I was struggling.
One day, after a really hard afternoon of battling the depression of my sickness, I started writing in my journal. One day I wrote the line..."I just need to let Calvary speak for me." That began a several-months-long process of writing the song. As the song slowly took shape, so did the healing of my heart and mind. The lyrics came slowly and I felt like I was painfully giving birth to not only a new song but a new lesson in life as well.
After two surgeries and two rounds of treatment, the doctors find no trace of cancer. More importantly, I have finally come to understand that after Calvary, Satan finds no trace of my past. Whenever he tries, "Calvary answers for me." I write a lot of songs about the cross and the blood. I just feel like that is the crux of what we believe. If you can't write about that then there's just nothing left to write about. If you write a song about Grace, that's a great song, but it all starts with the blood and the cross. Everything comes after that in my opinion.
Whenever I hear the song, it often brings me to tears as I can finally rejoice in what God has done in my life. The song was written for me, but I pray it ministers to you as well.
"Calvary Answers For Me"
Satan just cowers
to think of the power
he lost when the cross had its day
Gone are the mornings
when fear without warning
would win and again have its way
Now, when Satan reminds me
of things I regret
I bring up Calvary
lest he forgets
Chorus:
High on the mountain
of sorrow and shame
grace signed my pardon
as Christ took the blame
when I'm called to answer
for my history
Calvary answers for me
I am now under
the beautiful wonder
of grace that erased all my past
I feel the heartbeat
of mercy inside me
and now I have found joy at last
I live in freedom
that chains cannot bind
and I won't look back
at what I've left behind
© 2003/Joel Lindsey/Paragon Music & Vacation Boy Music/ASCAP (admin. By Brentwood-Benson Music)
Special thanks to Shane Ferrell of Lighthouse Promotion ( [url=http://www.lighthousepromo.com]http://www.lighthousepromo.com [/url]) and Joel Lindsey for allowing SoGospelNews to re-print this story.
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