Aaron Unthank

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For the next few months I will be writing about transition. Seems vague, I know but specifically I will share stories of the various and sometimes hurtful transitions I have experienced while serving in church ministry. I realize some may think such a thing is a bit indulgent and truth told it may end up being more therapeutic for me than helpful to you. But hopefully, at the very least, you will gain some encouragement from my saga if you are presently facing your own.

Saga #1
I was 9 months or so into newlywed bliss. After the “umpteenth” tearful departure and countless phone calls from the road expressing discontent with how my chosen employment was affecting our infant relationship I decided to change gears a bit, come off the road and find musical employment that would allow me to be at home98% of the time instead of away from home for over 200 dates per year. Unfortunately, that meant that the newlyweds would pack up and set sail from the place of their acquaintance and courtship to friendly waters elsewhere. The move wasn’t terrible. It was only 3 hours away from the place that had become home… Nashville to Memphis. Still a musical city I thought. Hey, it was good enough for Elvis… Not to mention I had spent some time there a few years back playing ball and it wasn’t a bad place. There was a lot of history. It was a southern river town and we were going to live in a quaint, growing suburban community. It was safe…

I interviewed for the position through having a series of phone conversations and “trying out” by participating in Sunday services. The concept of trying out for something wasn’t foreign to me because of the years I spent playing ball but trying out for church… That was umm… uncomfortable. There was no proper rhetoric used like “candidating.” I was trying out plain and simple. This down-to-earth approach was, as I would find out, indicative of the people who worshiped in this congregation. They were no-fuss… Well, all except for the piano player but that was to be expected. There is at least one in every congregation who takes ownership of the “master musician” title. Whether they have the chops or not has no bearing on whether they should hold the title. Apparently it has something to do with how many years they have been playing in the church and someone they played with once upon a time… Fortunately for me this player had decent chops. He was just a bit temperamental in the beginning that’s all. He turned out to be a very valuable asset to the team.

I started out in this position admittedly a novice when it came to church music ministry. I knew I could sing but that was about all. As this saga unfolded I realized that was the point. I was presumed to be young, inexperienced and moldable…Someone who would just say “yessir” and leave well enough alone. Obviously no one spoke to my references. I have a brain and I don’t check it at the coat room of the church. The senior leader (pastor) at this church was charismatic, well spoken and convincingly spiritual. In the interview process he spoke affectionately of a family acquaintance and a common church heritage. It seemed to be a position well suited for me and my new bride.

The first few months were filled with making new friends, invitations for dinner and the hard work of fitting in at a place that a few months previous didn’t even know we existed. The music was improving, the choir was growing and the Spirit was moving. Occasional conflicts with the church diva kept things interesting but it was nothing insurmountable. Then approximately 6-8 months into it I noticed a marked change in the pastor’s in-office behavior. Granted we were in the middle of a building project so I knew the stress was high. But things became suspect when he was less and less frequently in the office and administrative things were left undone. While in the office I began fielding phone calls that came from disturbed collectors. When I mentioned this to the pastor things began to get a bit tense in the office. Then these things began to affect my wife and me personally. The apartment complex we were living in began to inquire with us why our rent hadn’t been paid. (It was customary with this congregation that the church takes care of housing costs directly.) This was a bit more of a strain to bring up. When I did there was a noticeable change in his behavior toward me. Now I see that it was likely not personal but just that I represented a problem with no immediate solution.

The coup de grâce was this: The church was preparing for some sort of celebration, though for the life of me I don’t recall what the occasion was, and this pastor asked my opinion on whether or not I thought our team could perform a certain song. I listened to the song over and over again trying to figure out how our players and singers could pull this off. My conclusion was that the song was just too complicated and we weren’t capable to do it. When I gave him my response you would’ve thought I just called him a heretic. He became loud and tried his hand at verbal intimidation but I resisted, verbally defended myself and held to my position. I did not want to put our musicians in a position that would potentially embarrass them. I explained that and mentioned trying to get a track made but that apparently wasn’t an acceptable solution either. Things just went downhill from there. As time went on it became evident that my current rate of pay wasn’t going to equal the salary we had agreed upon in the beginning. The phone calls from the collectors kept coming and the rent was more frequently late. I even recall one road trip to a funeral in which I was singing and this pastor was officiating. We rode together. Having a “captive audience” he threatened my job in an effort of intimidation again. I told him to do what he had to do but to remember that I am on his side. I had fallen in love with the people in this congregation and I wanted the best for them. At this point I didn’t know what to do. I only knew of one safe haven of accountability in the church. The Elders.

I scheduled a meeting with an elder that I knew I could trust as a confidant. I told him about what was going on and he acted as an elder should. He asked if I had spoken with the pastor and when I assured him I had he set out to substantiate my allegations. It was at this point I began to plan my exit. There was an obscure opportunity that had come our way through some extended family and, unbeknownst to us, a pastor’s viewing of our wedding video. (We sang our benediction.) I began to investigate it and over the next couple of months it became a viable opportunity. Due to the instability of the current situation I found myself in I thought it best to not say anything about the opportunity until a bona fide offer came. When it did my wife and I began to pray earnestly about our next step. By this time the situation at the church we were presently serving had escalated to state official involvement and a vote of confidence. I voluntarily gave up my salary, basically resigned my position and began painting houses (Thankful for the “fall-back”…). I asked the church to continue taking care of our housing until I could find suitable employment. They complied and really had no choice but to accept my resignation. They could no longer pay my salary. The tragic conclusion of this account is that the church was broke. In the end the church had to trade actual properties with another local congregation that was debt free and whose growing congregation could afford the financial liability. This sad and unfortunate ending was heartrending for everyone. What becomes clearer to me at the telling of this story, though it was impossible for me to see at the time, is that there was likely no personal vendetta against me. I was just a scapegoat for a scared pastor who was carrying a heavy burden with enormous amounts of stress and fear. He was in a spot that he didn’t know how to get out of but he wouldn’t let anyone come close enough to help. My wife and I packed up our things and accepted the offer for a position in sunny Florida…

Aaron Unthank
http://www.aaronunthank.com

Reader Comments

Thank you all for your comments... I very much appreciate the perspective you bring to the topic. Sometimes I feel as if church work can so horribly misrepresent life in Christ that many come out of the ministry disillusioned with less faith than they had going into it yet better for it. Because of the challenges and battles they have a foundational wisdom to begin rebuilding a sustaining faith upon that will not easily be swayed.

Aaron,

I have been enjoying your writing for some time. I was impressed with you from the first time I met you when you went to college here in our town - and I knew you would do well. (That's why I let you sing with my son, Marc - Ha - Ha!)

In speaking of the piano playing "diva", it is all too true that one such person can put a strangle-hold on a church's ministry. And the sad truth is that the church today has become so "politically-correct" in its dealings with church members - that they can sometimes get away with murder - by default.

It wasn't that way yeears ago. As you know, I worked for years for Dan Betzer. His first assignment in the ministry was as a youth pastor in a church in Ohio - I guess more than 45 yeras ago.

It was his very first service there. The Sunday evening service was supposed to start at 7pm, and young Dan asked the pastor why it had not started yet - seeing it was already 7:15. When the pastor replied that it was because the organist had not arrived yet - Dan asked if there wasn't another organist in the congregation. When he learned that there were several, he asked why wasn't one of them seated there playing?

The pastor explained that the family of the organist had donated the organ years earlier and she insisted that only she was allowed to play it.

Dan persisted in asking why he didn't overrule that decision of hers - and the pastor explained that there was a wooden cover that folded over the top of the organ with a lock on it - and she had the only key.

By 7:20 or so, the organist came in with a flurry, produced the key and unlocked the top of the organ, proceeding to play - and the service began about 20 minutes late.

Dan Betzer - mind you, on his first Sunday there - met up with her after the service, in essence informing her that there was now a new sheriff in town.

She was told that she was to be at the organ playing appropriate music no less than 15 minutes before the service starting time at EACH service - or she would find someone else playing it instead.

"Young man," she said defiantly, "Who do you think you are? And besides, I have the only key!" Dan said he would be able to work around that with no problem.

That next Sunday morning, young Dan brought a crowbar with him to church. When she failed to arrive 15 minutes before service, it took Dan less than 2 minutes to pry the lid off of the organ with a crowbar and seat someone else at the organ, who began playing immediately. He then took the organ lid in his car and threw it in the city dump, before returning to the service.

When the former-organ player arrived and saw that someone else was playing "her" organ, she demanded to know from Dan where the lid was. Dan replied that he really didn't know - because he didn't know specifically what the city dump did with garbage that had been thrown there minutes after they had received it.

A strangle-hold that had been held over that church was permanently released that day - and the music ministry of the church grew from there.

But - no minister of music nor even a pastor, is allowed by a congregation or board to take care of business today. In many churches, it's as if the inmates are running the asylum, and church leaders have the sad choice of just putting up with their foolishness - or moving on to another church - where their twin brothers and twin sisters are members.

Bless you, Aaron, for being willing to serve your Lord under such awful circumstances.

Cliff Cerce
The Cerces, PO Box 8525, Springfield, MO 65801
417-863-8440
http://www.thecerces.com

Cliff,
What a great story about Dan Betzer!!! That is certainly one for his memoir. Unfortunately, I have to agree that the blatant acquiescence of leadership to the whim of silly and unfounded "just the way it is-isms" has weakened congregations and music programs. We need more leaders with back-bones and crowbars!!! Thanks for sharing Cliff!

Nice! I hope he writes a hit!!! Of course, I would maintain intellectual property rights to the actual phrase "backbones and crowbars..." (JK!!!!)

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